How Many Friends Do You Have?
Recently there was an announcement, regarding the COVID-19 lockdown restrictions, that we could socialise with 10 friends, and a friend said to me “I’m not sure if I have that many!!”
Conversely there are others who have hundreds or maybe even thousands of friends on Facebook!
We probably all have more people we consider as friends than we think we have: Of course there are the special friends who we know would be there for us whatever the reason. Then there are our more ‘general’ friendships, some who we see all the time, others less often, maybe because of distance or situation. We have neighbours who might be there for us for that last minute recipe ingredients or a signature witness. Then we have work colleagues who are part of our life because we see them so often, but we may not necessarily socialise with them out of the work environment. There are also the people who come into our life at certain times and for various reasons and then disappear, like they were there for that one purpose and of course, probably at the other end of the scale there are the social media ‘friends’
Connection with others or “Social Needs” is the third basic Human Need (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs) It comes after Physiological Needs - air, food, water, sleep - and Security/Safety Needs and is vital for our mental health and well-being. It has also been said that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety but human connection.
An experiment was undertaken in the ‘70s which demonstrated some very interesting behaviour around isolation. Rats are often used for “psychological experiments” due to their genetic similarity to humans – 95% of the human genome is identical to that of rats. In the ‘Rat Park’ experiment they caged individual the rats and gave them the choice of water or morphine to drink. The results were fascinating and demonstrated their behaviour when isolated… and how it changed when there other rats around.
You can read about the experiment here - I would recommend a look.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Park
In these current times, knowing that there are people around us that we can trust and call on for support (even if we never have to do it) really does make a big difference. It gives us an underlying feeling of confidence and resilience and can also strengthen our capacity to stay on track to reach our goals. If however you’re worried about asking anyone for help, consider how you felt or would feel if you were able to help someone else….Good I bet!
Fundamentally, we all need others to be there for us and us for them. Be it to make us laugh and bring joy to our lives, to support us or be supported, to download, listen, share, help us get back on track or just sit with us in silence.
Nurture this basic human need. Be the friend that counts, and also realise that there are people that you can count on so ask for help if you need it.
Who do you know who’s going through a tough patch or on their own at the moment and might like a chat?
Go on….make that call.